That Rainbow in Prague (A Short Memoir)

Prague, Czech Republic (July 2017)

Prague. Sounds fancy, doesn’t it? After all, I know of some people who dream of visiting it. Praha, some of them even say. The Czech Republic. But not me. I didn’t dream of going to Prague. It just so happened that it’s included in the tour package me and my sisters booked for this trip. This Euro trip — now that, I’ve always dreamed of. And for some reason, I’m now living it. Maybe it’s God’s way of telling me that it’ll be alright? Because this is just good timing. I’m currently moving on and healing my broken heart, I’m embarking on a trip of a lifetime, and I’m emo as emo one can be — ain’t that the stuff of movies? But hey, I’m not complaining! I know that my life is a story and if the main author of it, God Himself, is orchestrating something to help me make something good, even great, out of this heartbreak, then why not? God did it to me before, and I know He can do it again. He always will.

So no, I didn’t really plan on going to Prague. But as I step on this wet floor after some rain, overlooking the city’s skyline, I was reaffirmed. There it is on the clouds above, perfectly positioned for all to see, for me to see, in all its seven vibrant colors: a rainbow. There’s a freakin’ rainbow in the city of Prague, and I love it! I always love seeing rainbows! It’s always like a dream come true after each rain.

And now that I’m standing here, seeing this rainbow in front of me, while I’m still going through my own “life storm,” it’s like God is telling me, “Mika, it’ll be alright. Just like this rainbow, life will be colorful for you again. Just trust Me, I got you.”

Looking back, it has been alright. Prague has been more than a year already, and I’m glad to say that life, indeed, has never been more colorful for me. And I’ve nothing left to say but, “thank you, God!” 🙂

And that, my friends, is actually a product of the most recent writing workshop I just attended: Scribblory‘s Your Past at the Tip of Your Pen: A Memoir Writing Workshop by Elaine Marie Factor (author of Kerygma Books’ Finding You: A Memoir on Dreams, Detours, and Destiny). We were given a few minutes to choose something to write about, and me, out of panic (haha!), the first thing that came to mind was my phone = photos — including my travel photos. And this rainbow shot taken during my Euro Trip last year is actually one of my favorites despite not considering Prague as one of my favorite destinations. Hence the post above that you just read. That’s the unedited version straight from my notebook, so apologies if there were some grammar/writing style issues. Wahahahaha! I wanted to keep it that way to help me in my progress as I start venturing into this whole “memoir writing” stuff. I’m loving it, by the way! 😉

I know I need more practice because one of my dreams is to actually write my own non-fiction book! There, I said it. Writing has always been a passion of mine (hello blog!), but I believe it’s high time to take this whole passion project into a whole new level. Sure, I’ll still blog — blogging is another form of writing I’ve loved doing since my college days (this blog alone is turning nine years old this December! yaaay!), but I’ve to get more serious with my God-given craft. And the best way I can think of to do that is to finally finish my book! Of course, all for His glory! 🙂

So yes, I’m on the road to writing my memoir in book form! Pray for me, yes?

TO GOD BE THE GLORY ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

“Babalik Ka Rin!”

Ang pag-ibig, yung tunay na pag-ibig, sa totoo lang, ay hindi talaga madali. Habang mas lumalalim, ito’y mas susubukin.

Noong una ko Siyang makilala, wala akong reaksyon. Malamang hindi ko pa kasi lubusang maintindihan kung ano ba talaga ang pag-ibig.

Tumagal ng ilang taon ang aming ligawan. May panahong malamig ako sa Kanya, mayroon din namang nagliliyab ang nararamdaman ko sa aming relasyon.

Pero sa tuwing ako’y nanlalamig, lagi kong pinangungunahan ang sa palagay kong Kanyang iniisip: “babalik ka rin!”

Pero kahit sa mga panahong iyon, ni minsan, hindi Niya ako pinilit. Ako’y hinayaan Niyang mamili ng klase ng pag-ibig na sa palagay kong nararapat para sa’kin.

At sa tuwing ako’y mabibigo, ako’y magbabalik. Pero aalis muli.

Ganu’n pa man, hindi Niya ako iniwan. Alam kong masakit sa Kanya na parang binalewala ko Siya, pero nagpapasalamat ako na ganu’n Niya ako kamahal at kahit kailan, hindi Siya bumitaw.

Bago pa man tumuloy ang kwento ng huling pagkabigo ko, narinig ko na ang Kanyang bulong,

“Babalik ka rin!”

Naisip ko, bakit ba Niya lagi sinasabi yun?

Hanggang sa isang araw, nauntog ako at tuluyan kong natuklasan kung bakit.

Totoo ngang ang unang pag-ibig ay hindi namamatay. Bagkus, ito’y mas nagbibigay buhay!

Kaya kahit ilang beses akong umalis, ako’y patuloy na bumalik, bumabalik, at babalik.

“Babalik ka rin!”

‘Yan ang sinabi Niya nung una palang.

At oo nga, bumalik ako sa Kanya — sa una kong Pag-ibig; sa unang Nagmahal sa’kin.

Palagay ko ikaw rin.

“Babalik ka rin!”

“Tayo’y nagsisiibig, sapagka’t Siya’y unang umibig sa atin.”
-1 Juan 4:19

I would have what I want, but I wouldn’t know “Him”

waiting = knowing more of Him

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said,
“Child, you must wait.”
“Wait? You say, wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.

“My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT?
I’m needing a ‘Yes,’ a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘No’ to which I can resign.

“And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And, Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
‘I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!'”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting… for what?”

He seemed, then, to kneel
And His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign,
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun,
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

“All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be,

You would have what you want —
But, you wouldn’t know Me.

You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You’d not know the power I give to the faint;

“You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me;
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

“You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

“The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee,’
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss if I lost what I’m doing in you!

“So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me,
And though oft’ may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, “Wait.'”

(This poem originally appeared in
Wait: A journey to discovering the heart of God by Russell Kelfer,
and was excerpted from
Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart by Heather Arnel Paulsen)

Thanks to my friend, Tin, for sharing this excerpt (which eventually made me read the actual book! haha). Anyway, I believe you’ll agree with me when I say that the poem was so beautifully written, it’s unfair not to share it!

So yes, if you’re waiting for an “answer” from God, whatever that may be, I hope this poem somehow “answered” you for now. After all, nothing worth it ever comes easy in this life, so if you’re being “pruned” right now, just remember that you’re in good hands — God’s hands!

In the meantime, while you’re still waiting, take advantage and get to know more of Him. Talk to Him. PRAY! What is He trying to teach or tell you? And then LISTEN — through your heart.

I wish you well, my friend. Stay patient and strong, and God bless!!! ❤

“The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
-2 Peter 3:9