Some Lessons about My Faith, I Learned through My Ex

Here’s another wordy and very personal post brought to you by none other than my Wordy and Worthy blog! I don’t expect everyone to understand where I’m coming from in this post, and that’s okay. So read at your own risk. Haha!

Warning: You’ll get tired of reading the word “realized” in this post! 😛

To start, I’ve been reading the blog of Ms. Joy Tan-Chi Mendoza (TeachWithJoy.com) for quite some time already, and I love the way she writes honestly about her struggles and victories as a follower of Jesus Christ in the areas of her marriage, parenting, etc. Ms. Joy and I may come from different Christian denominations (she’s Born Again affiliated with Christ’s Christian Fellowship or CCF; I’m Roman Catholic), but we’re both Jesus followers either way, and I can relate and learn from her posts.

Her posts may sometimes be “preachy” (just like me sometimes! haha), but I appreciate the purpose behind her writing: it’s to show everybody that being a follower of Christ doesn’t automatically make a person perfect. In fact, it’s because of our imperfections as humans that give us all the more reason why we should anchor ourselves in Christ. Being a follower of Christ is an everyday commitment, much like any other important thing in life. And being a follower of Christ is actually very hard (more attacks/temptations from the enemy, etc.), but very fulfilling and rewarding, too.

This wasn’t an easy post to write, so I’m warning you now. If you’re from my ex’s side of camp, there’s a big chance you’re going to hate me (if you don’t hate me yet! haha), but then again, I can’t just let my ex take all the blame on why our four-year relationship failed because it also takes two to tango to make a relationship work OR fail. So to my ex, congrats! I’m sure he said a lot of nasty things about me, and here I am supporting some of what I think he said about me to his side of camp when we broke up! Haha!

But you see, I realized that if I’m going to testify about Jesus‘ major role in my life, then I have to be as honest, raw, and transparent as much as possible, even if I have to expose my dark side. But that’s the thing about confessing sins. It’s done in order to be humbled and held accountable. In return, exposing the dark enables light to penetrate through.

MY FAITH JOURNEY

So, let’s talk about my faith first, then we can get to the part of my ex (which I know you’re all dying to read! tsk, tsk). 😛 My faith journey has been an on-going one since the time I was born. I was raised in a Roman Catholic household, studied in Catholic schools (from pre-school to even graduate school!), attended Mass on Sundays, etc. But I’ve to admit, I had weak faith all throughout then. “Weak” in the sense that I did religious things, but I didn’t really have a personal relationship with Jesus yet. I was lukewarm toward Him. 😦 But He never gave up on me. 🙂 I actually wrote a short piece about my faith journey in my first pure Filipino blog post, Babalik Ka Rin!

I guess the first call from God I could remember was when I started reading the Bible when I was in high school. But eventually, I stopped.

My second call was when I joined the youth group of the Light of Jesus (LOJ) community back in 2004. It was then called Youth Mission for Parishes and CommuniTies or YMPACT. The Feast — a Catholic prayer meeting headed by Bro. Bo Sanchez was even held at Camp Aguinaldo at that time. I became active in that group, attended prayer meetings every other Sunday and youth camps every summer. But I stopped again after 2007. I did attend several Kerygma Conferences in between, though. My ex and I even had our first official date as a couple at Kerygma Conference 2012! I can’t believe it now! Hahaha!

After that, my next call came after seven years. I was already a yuppie in Makati for five years then, but it was only in 2014 when I started attending Feast Makati.

Since then, I’ve been attending LOJ‘s The Feast. In the past year, I’ve been attending Feast Bay Area (FBA) more regularly. I even recently joined the Media Ministry as a writer for the afternoon sessions.

And then my last and final call from God to truly follow Him was in 2016: November 13, 2016 to be exact — the date when I broke up with my then-boyfriend of four years.

FROM BREAKUPS TO BREAKTHROUGHS

Yes, you’ve read that right. I was the one who broke up with my now ex. And that wasn’t even the first time.

The first time I tried to break up with him was in February 2013. We were together for only three months then. I was thinking that it’s better to break up as early as then than prolong the relationship. But after texting him (I know, lame way to do so!) that we’re over, he suddenly went to our house to try to make me undo the breakup. Which I did. But I was so wrong. I don’t know… I guess as early as then I already knew that there’s something off with our pairing, but my stubbornness made me hesitate to end it because I wanted to prove something. #LessonLearned

The second time I tried to break up with him was in December 2013. 10 months after my first real attempt. We were in a mall together and we fought about something. I said we were over. He still accompanied me home. But when we got home, I took back what I said. Again, I was so wrong.

The third time I tried to break up with him was in December 2014. A year after my second real attempt. Instead of hours, this lasted for around two days. Then after a phone call on the second day, we got back together. We were so wrong.

The fourth time I tried to break up with him was in February 2015. Just two months after our “longest” breakup then! We actually just came from a retreat, but I was so frustrated with him (like I said, I still had weak faith), I didn’t know how to address that frustration other than break up with him. I can’t really remember if I actually said that we’re over but I think I implied that when we boarded our bus (the retreat was in Tagaytay). When we got back to Makati, we ate dinner, talked, and agreed to stay together. Again, we were so wrong.

After that, things started going really downward spiral. In June 2015, just four months after again, he was the one who initiated a cool off. Within a week, we were “on” again.

And then in August 2015, we had our first legit breakup. He was the one who initiated it, and I remember that it was so painful on my part, I still consider that more painful than our final breakup. It lasted for a little over a week. And then you guessed it, we got back together.

His next attempt to break up with me was in May 2016. It was only overnight, and I was also so mad at him at that time I was actually glad he broke it off. But the following day, he apologized. It wasn’t a breakup after all.

After that, I believe we were on “autopilot” mode. I remember opening up to a friend as early as March 2016 that I wasn’t really sure about the relationship anymore. In August 2016, I struggled with my faith that I stopped going to Mass altogether for more than a month. My ex, being the agnostic that he was, of course couldn’t care less. I even attended a Christian group discussion in September 2016 and tried to heed advice from complete strangers about my sinking relationship. In October 2016, I decided I needed a retreat, so I signed up to a Catholic one that’d happen two months after in December. And in between those months, in November 2016, I broke up for the last time with my then-boyfriend at Hanoi International Airport when we were on our way back to Manila after our supposed “pre-anniversary” trip. Lakas maka-telenovela, ano? But I really didn’t plan that, you know?!

I’m not going to detail each and every breakup we had, but in general, our breakups were all results of our brokenness, confusions, doubts, emptiness, fears, immaturities, insecurities, naiveness, undecisiveness, unresolved issues, weaknesses, [insert negative word here], etc. But there was never a third party. At least on my part. I’ve had “hunches” about my ex having a third party on three out of eight of our breakups (and those were just the major ones!), but my verdict’s it was all in my head. There was a third party involved in our last breakup in the sense that my ex rebounded just two months after our final breakup, but when we had our closure in May 2017 (oh yes, I really pushed it!), he told me he dated that girl after a month when I broke up with him, and they got together in January 2017. He even said the girl was aware that he’s still in love with me when they got together (so weird!). He actually met that girl around September 2016 when he went to their province in Quezon, I even confronted him about it when we were still together, but he said it was nothing. After all, the girl’s still in college. So technically, they got together AFTER we broke up. So technically, he said he didn’t cheat on me. K. Whatever he said. Either way, I broke up with him not because of a third party. I broke up with him because of a lot of our issues. I broke up with him because of a lot of MY issues — which I’m trying to address now one at a time. 😉

So yes, you can say it was a dead-end and tiring relationship (gosh, I even got tired just recalling the events!). So I also can’t blame my ex if he wants a “chill-chill lang” (his exact words during our closure meeting, not mine) relationship at this time with the college girl.

But the rollercoaster ride doesn’t even stop there.

Since our previous breakups didn’t involve anyone else, I thought we could still get back together after November 2016 (even though with or without a third party, it was already obvious that a reconciliation was a wrong move again). I had a major case of the so-called “dumper’s remorse.” I only found out about the college girl in February 2017, so you can say that it was really stupid of me to still try to “bargain” with my ex from November 2016-February 2017. I even greeted him on Valentine’s Day — only because I didn’t know that he was already with the college girl then! So lame on my part! Haha! Since this is a “confession,” I won’t deny it to you that I allowed myself to step down on a few levels by sending messages to A LOT of people from my ex’s side of camp (including the college girl, when I found out!). If my ex’s way of coping was rebounding, mine was A LOT OF TALKING! So touche.

I’m not ashamed of all these things now because everything I did gave me the closure I wanted. If I didn’t send messages to the college girl, I don’t think my ex would still talk to me! But he did, and I got what I wanted in the end. If anything, I think my crazy antics even made me push my ex further away from me and closer to the college girl. So they better thank me! Wahahahaha! No, I just know that everything happens for a reason, crazy antics and all. Also, I just charge everything to experience. I still had the “first heartbreak card” then. But since I already used it, I don’t have any more excuse next time. LOL! Then again, each heartbreak is just one step closer to my TOTGA — not The One That Got Away, but The One That God Allowed!

FROM SHAMEFUL TO SHAMELESS

But seriously though, I’m not ashamed of these things now because I’ve already confessed all these to God and a priest through the Sacrament of Reconciliation — several times! I believe one of the things I won’t ever forget in my life was one confession when I asked the priest for my penance and his answer was, “I believe all the pain you’re experiencing is penance enough.” That really struck hard!

It was excruciatingly painful, alright. Why? Because I was also guilty of my faults and my conscience kept bothering me. Sure, there are worse sins out there committed by other people compared to my sins, but I still sinned. Period. It’s true that one of the hardest things you can do is to forgive yourself. And through God’s grace, I already have. 🙂

Looking back, when I was going through the stages of loss in random order, I thought I was fighting for love. Until a psychiatrist finally told me that no, I probably don’t love my ex anymore. I was just fighting for my very hurt ego. And I realized very late in the game, she was right. In fact, I think my ex and me had twisted definitions of love for our entire four years together. But I realized that it’s all because we couldn’t give what we didn’t have, so we both ran empty. That’s why now, I’m making sure to fill my love tank first through God’s love before I enter another relationship. I’m not in a hurry because I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes again when I know I’m still healing.

I’m writing all this not to shame my ex or anything (hello, you can clearly see that I also have my fair share of shameful moments!), but because I’m bothered by some people who just suddenly message me out of the blue with the hope of comforting me without even knowing the real story. They just assumed that it was all my ex’s fault just because that’s what happened to them, and they also can’t acknowledge their own shortcomings in the relationship. Please remember that we all have different love and breakup stories. Maybe I gave an impression that I was the victim and my ex was the bad guy, but as you can see now, we both were the victim and/or the bad guy at different points in our relationship. In fact, I believe we both “won” when we “lost” each other. God saved both of us from each other because we were just bringing out the worst in each other. My ex was far from perfect, but again, you clearly see that so was I. Still am. My close friends who I’ve opened up to know this, and I thank God for their non-judgmental attitude. They know that me and my ex are not bad people individually per se. We were just really bad for each other at the time being.

STOPPING THE HURTS

Now that I’ve mentioned about working on my own issues, we’re going back to my faith. Thanks to The Feast, I realized the truth behind hurt people, hurt people.

I realized that I was a very hurt person when I was still with my ex, hence I had the tendency to hurt others, too — unfortunately for my ex, it was him who got the most “hurts” from me because he was the closest to me. And I’m sorry. How did I hurt him? Well, he was the one who told me that words are both my blessing and curse. So go figure.

In order to stop that (and use my gift of words more as a blessing!), I first acknowledged my faults through some serious self-reflection because it’s through acknowledgment that change for the better begins. I also decided to kiss dating goodbye (for now) and really heal first. I realized my ex was just the tip of the iceberg. I found out that I had more emotional wounds in life all the way back from my childhood that I have to address before entering another romantic relationship. I even had the guts to talk to my biological father over dinner after not seeing him for years (but maybe that’s for another post altogether!).

OF HEALING AND THANK YOU’S

During the “dark ages” of my breakup, my prayer to God then was very specific: I didn’t want to simply move on (and then leave more unhealed wounds!). I specifically prayed that I wanted to LET GO, MOVE ON, and HEAL — in that order! And then one day just this month, I realized that He already answered all of those, and I’m now on the healing part. Looking back on how I started my faith journey, I realized how God never left me. I also realize now my ex’s purpose in my life: God used him so I can fully heal — as ironic as that may sound. God allowed me to be “broken” by my ex to expose more of my existing brokenness and enable Him to fill in those crumbling and empty spaces, so I can be whole again. But this time, anchored in Him. ❤

So I thank my ex for letting me go even when I stubbornly didn’t want to do the same to him when I was stilI not over the stages of loss. I can say that I really wish him well now.

And of course, I thank God for enabling me to see the good in all my bad experiences as mentioned in Romans 8:28 — my favorite Bible passage.

Since the breakup…

  • I learned how to be more selfless (as opposed to being selfish, such as clinging on to my ex, etc.). Because of my ex, I learned to pray for my “enemies.” Not just him, but now, when someone angers or wrongs me, I just pray for that person. And it’s true what Bro. Bo once said that praying for your enemies doesn’t just change your enemies’ lives, more importantly, it changes YOU!
  • I embarked on a fitness journey and lost around 30 lbs., and I’ve never been fitter and healthier in my life!
  • I traveled to six countries (five of which were in my dream continent — Europe!)
  • I acquired new skills like baking and cooking! Woohoo!
  • I reconnected with some significant people from my past. I also made A LOT of new friends along the way!
  • I now know the importance of and how to enjoy this “single” season in my life, that it involves pruning and waiting, so when I finally meet my future husband in God’s perfect time, I’ll already be at my best and not someone he still had to “endure” haha
  • Most importantly, I established a closer and deeper relationship with God. I’m now back to reading His Word every day, serving Him, etc. I’m even grateful and humbled to receive some of the gifts of the Holy Spirit — including the gift of praying in tongues! I’m so glad I heeded God’s call at a time I thought I wasn’t capable of answering. I still am a perfectly imperfect person, but God saw that I was becoming the exact opposite of how He intended me to be, so He stepped in and pruned me. The pruning wasn’t a walk in the park. It still isn’t because it’s still on-going. But I’m blessed that I have a support system who truly gets me and a God who never gives up on me! I love you, guys! I LOVE YOU, GOD!!!

If you’re reading this part, THANK YOU! That just means you’ve already reached the last part of this very wordy post. Haha!

At this stage, I can now proudly sing the words of T. Swift that me and my ex “are never ever, ever getting back together.” I’ve already accepted that. And I’ve even realized that it was really for the best. I guess my only regret is I wish we had known this as early as our first breakup in February 2013! But you know, everything — as in EVERYTHING, both the good and the bad — is in the past now. I can only do so much by extracting the lessons — hence, this blog post! Haha!

As I end this post, I hope and pray that those who are undergoing any heartbreak right now may also have the courage to KEEP MOVING FORWARD no matter how hard it is. I totally get you. Crawl if you must, but just “keep swimming,” as Dory in Finding Nemo put it. Hehe! Most importantly, KEEP THE FAITH! God wants to be with you at this very crucial time in your life more than anything and help you carry your burdens — but only if you allow Him to. 🙂 I’m also at your disposal if you need someone to talk to. Just send me a message, and you’ll know why I’m a self-proclaimed wordy lady! Madaldal talaga ako! Hahaha!

On the other hand, I can’t wait to meet my Tobias (for Bible readers, you know who I’m talking about!). And as it’s said in my prayer, may he be “a person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God’s Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love, and harmony in this life and attain eternal joy in the next.” After all, marriage (including sex!) was designed by God. Husbands and wives are given the task to outdo each other in helping each to reach sainthood. But first, I must go through my one-on-one training during this season in my life with the Master Himself, Jesus.

I wouldn’t have it any other way now. ❤

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
-Romans 8:28

“Babalik Ka Rin!”

Ang pag-ibig, yung tunay na pag-ibig, sa totoo lang, ay hindi talaga madali. Habang mas lumalalim, ito’y mas susubukin.

Noong una ko Siyang makilala, wala akong reaksyon. Malamang hindi ko pa kasi lubusang maintindihan kung ano ba talaga ang pag-ibig.

Tumagal ng ilang taon ang aming ligawan. May panahong malamig ako sa Kanya, mayroon din namang nagliliyab ang nararamdaman ko sa aming relasyon.

Pero sa tuwing ako’y nanlalamig, lagi kong pinangungunahan ang sa palagay kong Kanyang iniisip: “babalik ka rin!”

Pero kahit sa mga panahong iyon, ni minsan, hindi Niya ako pinilit. Ako’y hinayaan Niyang mamili ng klase ng pag-ibig na sa palagay kong nararapat para sa’kin.

At sa tuwing ako’y mabibigo, ako’y magbabalik. Pero aalis muli.

Ganu’n pa man, hindi Niya ako iniwan. Alam kong masakit sa Kanya na parang binalewala ko Siya, pero nagpapasalamat ako na ganu’n Niya ako kamahal at kahit kailan, hindi Siya bumitaw.

Bago pa man tumuloy ang kwento ng huling pagkabigo ko, narinig ko na ang Kanyang bulong,

“Babalik ka rin!”

Naisip ko, bakit ba Niya lagi sinasabi yun?

Hanggang sa isang araw, nauntog ako at tuluyan kong natuklasan kung bakit.

Totoo ngang ang unang pag-ibig ay hindi namamatay. Bagkus, ito’y mas nagbibigay buhay!

Kaya kahit ilang beses akong umalis, ako’y patuloy na bumalik, bumabalik, at babalik.

“Babalik ka rin!”

‘Yan ang sinabi Niya nung una palang.

At oo nga, bumalik ako sa Kanya — sa una kong Pag-ibig; sa unang Nagmahal sa’kin.

Palagay ko ikaw rin.

“Babalik ka rin!”

“Tayo’y nagsisiibig, sapagka’t Siya’y unang umibig sa atin.”
-1 Juan 4:19

To My Ladies: On Loyalty, Sex, and True Love

Relationships. One thing’s for sure, they’re NOT FOR THE WEAK! I’m referring to all kinds of relationships here because just as what we see in society today, broken relationships are everywhere. And it’s up to us to break the cycle if we want to have more happy, healthy, and whole relationships. For example, just because you have a “father wound,” doesn’t mean that you have to take all the blame to your Father from above and not believe in Him at all anymore (as evidenced in the Case for Christ by Lee Strobel). Another example is just because the older generations in your family have immoral relationships (as in a cheating grandfather, a mistress aunt, etc.), doesn’t mean that you have to follow in their footsteps. Another is just because you’ve been cheated on and lied to before doesn’t mean that you have to do it, too, just so you can avenge yourself (in a bad way!).

And there are many more examples of broken relationships. But the point here is WE CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM. We can heal all past wounds — PROPERLY!

And I decided to address this post to only the ladies (although the gentlemen are welcome to read as well!) because we, ladies, we get each other. We may still be different individually, but we can’t deny that we have almost the same “Venus” instincts and thinking. #GirlPower #LakasMakaFeminist haha

Anyway, even if I mentioned all kinds of relationships earlier, of course, this post will mostly focus on the romantic kind. Get ready, this is going to be a lengthy, wordy, and not to mention, controversial one! 😉

ON LOYALTY

We, ladies, we’re more known to be loyal in relationships because that’s just the way we are. We’re the ones who are more affected by soul ties (more on that later), and we have motherly instincts because that’s just it — we have the ability to be mothers, nine months of pregnancy and all that. I’m not overgeneralizing here because nobody’s perfect (there are still some girls who cheat), but I loathe the thought itself that society finds it more acceptable when a boy cheats instead of a girl. Cheating is cheating, and there’s no “who does it better or worse” debate thing about that! But given that, cheating, just like any relationship, takes two to tango. And since boys are the ones who usually make the “first move,” ladies, you must know better when you make your move! When a boy is already in a serious relationship, don’t even think about “it!”

“It” meaning reciprocating the wrong feelings and emotions. Boys will be boys. Sometimes, they’re not even aware that they’re already playing with fire through emotional cheating. In fact, I believe most cheating scenarios start with that — emotional. Boy has a rocky relationship, he’s not man enough to communicate properly with his girlfriend, so he looks for another girl to “talk to” just to unload his emotional baggage (if only he were man enough to talk to his real girlfriend!). And then because you’re given that special attention, you already start to develop inappropriate feelings. When boy finds out, out of his weakness, you already start to be the other girl! And for some reason, you let yourself be in that complicated situation. Ano ba! ‘Di ka cheap, ‘teh!!!

Ladies, when it comes to loyalty, it’s not enough that you’re loyal to your boyfriends (even girlfriends)/husbands/partners. It also takes a firm NO from you to a boy or any other party to stop a cheating scenario. You’re a lady, you don’t deserve a half-baked love, you don’t deserve to be the “spare,” and most especially, you don’t deserve an emotionally wounded boy who still has emotional baggage from his past relationship/s (ano yun, promo at may free baggage ka agad sa relasyon niyo?!). So when you’re approached by a weak boy like that, roll your eyes and tell him to find himself first and heal his past wounds — on. his. own! Only then will he be able to enter a new happy and healthy relationship that has marriage as the goal — if being a bride/wife is on your list! This applies to rebound relationships, too! Why would you even agree to be a rebound? Hindi ka basketball, ‘teh!

I salute all the ladies who have already “woken up” from this nightmare. If you’ve been involved, are involved, and plan to be involved in a cheating scenario, I’m telling you that there’s always hope. You can always be better, then eventually be the best person that God intended you to be! Just stick with NO when it comes to cheating. Sometimes, there’s more strength in saying a difficult NO than in giving an easy yes. So be strong and not weak!

P.S. to all the boys out there: I hope you know that when you cheat, you’re doing a disservice to the other women in your life — as in your mother, sister/s, grandmother/s, (future) daughter/s, female friends, etc. I’m sure you also don’t want them to be cheated on, so think of them the next time cheating crosses your mind! Kaya mahiya kayo!!! Remember, what comes around, goes around. So focus on good karma, not just for yourself, but for all your loved ones. After all, who said that the karma you create, whether good or bad, affects only you and you alone?! Kaya mag-isip-isip kayo ng mabuti!

ON SEX

I’ve been thinking on how to approach this touchy (no pun intended) subject without being holier-than-thou and preachy, so here goes (if I fail, I apologize as early as now! This is MY blog at walang makakapigil sa’kin! #pabebe wahahahaha!)

Ladies, we’ve all heard the words VIRGINITY and PURITY. They may be similar (you can be both a virgin and pure which is ideal, or you can be on the other end of the spectrum which is not-so-ideal), but they’re completely different in the sense that you can be a virgin but not necessarily pure, or pure but not necessarily a virgin. Confusing, no?

Let’s define them.

In my own words, VIRGINITY is when you haven’t had vaginal sex ever. As in your hymen is still intact, and when you finally have sex for the first time (hopefully with your husband!), there’s a possibility that you’ll bleed. Virginity is more on the physical aspect.

On the other hand (in my own words again), PURITY is more on the emotional aspect. It means avoiding masturbation, avoiding reading/watching books/magazines/movies/shows that promote premarital/extramarital sex, not having premarital sex (or already stopped doing it!), not looking at pornography, not thinking of sexual thoughts, etc. So yes, you might have participated in premarital sex before but once you decide that you want to save sex for marriage again, you can go the “pure” route. There’s no shame in changing for the better.

Most people view these as a Christian thing, but c’mon, Christians are people, too. They’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. And even if you have no religion, you can still decide to be both a virgin and pure, or simply be pure again. Why? Because for us, ladies, soul ties are no joke. What are soul ties? Soul ties are formed through being in close relationships (i.e., boyfriend-girlfriend), saying vows and commitments (i.e., “I will always love you!”), and yes, having sex — because you know, sex isn’t just a physical act — it involves the bonding of the two souls having sex, too! That’s why it’s recommended only for husbands and wives in marriage because after the honeymoon stage, real life hits and through sex, a husband and wife are expected to have already bonded through sex (and other aspects, too) to get through anything life throws their way — until death do them part! And women are more affected by soul ties than men because in the act of sex, women are the “receivers” when they are “entered.” [For more information about soul ties, I suggest you visit this site or Google the term.]

That’s why when you have premarital sex and you don’t end up marrying that person, it’s like you’re giving away pieces of your soul that you can’t take back anymore (think of a sticky note that has been stuck and unstuck several times, already losing its stickiness or ability to “bond” to a surface). And if left unhealed (yes, you can be healed through God’s grace if you want to!), when you do finally marry your husband, when you have sex with him, you’re also bringing to the table (or bed!) all the souls of the boys you’ve had sex with before — which you’ve “collected” through premarital sex! The more, the merrier is definitely NOT the case here! Imagine that!

So, ladies, please don’t think little of “soul ties” or conform to society’s “standards” of sex. Sex itself is not bad per se, but doing it irresponsibly has its own set of consequences (as if you don’t know that already!). I know it all comes down to values (as in what you value in life), but admit it, there’s more shame in sleeping around (not to mention a higher possibility of contracting sexually transmitted diseases and having unplanned pregnancies) than in deciding to save yourself for your (future) husband. Sure, there are those who engage in premarital sex with their boyfriends then eventually got married, but you also know that that’s NOT always the case! So better start saving yourself if you haven’t done so already. Again, there’s always hope. As one speaker put it, ‘pag naputikan ka (yung literal na putik), hindi ka kukuha ulit ng putik at ipapahid mo sa’yo. Ito’y pupunasan mo nang malinis. So why not do it for your soul, too?

I can say all this because yes, I’m a virgin. But no, I’m not that innocent and I’ve also struggled with purity. I just came from a four-year relationship and being in that relationship wasn’t easy; trying to keep our virginity (my ex was also a virgin when we were together) wasn’t easier. We made out and stuff. And when you start something that “feels good,” it’s really hard to resist and you’ll want more! What more if it was sex? That’s why I really stood my ground and made clear where to draw the line. When the relationship ended, I still felt guilty for sinning even if I’m still a virgin because I wasn’t necessarily pure. But through the Sacrament of Reconciliation and God’s continuous grace, I’m getting “purer” every day since the breakup. If I had known better, I wouldn’t have let myself be stirred with fleeting emotions. I would’ve raised the bar higher by being physical only through holding hands and a smack on the lips at the most (maybe even have our first kiss on our wedding day!).

But anyway, I’m leaving that all to my past. I’m now focused on my present, and that’s what I’m working very hard on. I’ve already avoided reading materials such as some sections of Cosmo and doing other impurities, and I don’t regret my decision to save myself for my future husband — who I hope is similar to Tim Tebow! Hahaha! And no, I’m not ashamed of these revelations! Kaya nga nababasa niyo ngayon sa blog ko noh! I really don’t get it why there are some people who are more ashamed with being virgins/pure when in fact, that’s harder to do! It takes a lot of strength to run from temptation, you know? And besides, if you try to mock me for these decisions of mine, get ready for my own prepared “lectures” as well. So let’s just not start with that. Mwahahahahaha!

My mantra: if you’re not yet ready for the responsibility of having a child/family, you have no right to be in the business of having sex! Especially when you’re still a student! Sige ka, mabuntis ka diyan ng ‘di oras at masira lahat ng mga pangarap mo sa buhay! But if you’re already a yuppie like me, I respect my fellow female yuppies’ decisions. After all, they can already earn for themselves. Respeto nalang talaga. These are all just reminders, not impositions. We can agree to disagree. It’s as simple as that.

Also, as a defense to my female friends who have been early mothers, I salute them for taking on the big, yet rewarding responsibility of giving birth and being mothers. But they, too, have said that they don’t recommend/promote it. They consider themselves as cautionary tales. So if you’re not in that situation, don’t do things that will lead to it!

[For more information on virginity and purity, I highly recommend chastityproject.com headed by husband and wife, Jason and Crystalina Evert.]

ON TRUE LOVE

Sigh. How do I even define this without referring to God’s love? That’s already a given. God’s love is the only perfect and truest form of love.

But like I said, I’m referring to romantic love in this post, so I’ll focus on that. 🙂 Ladies, based on my experience, true love is when a man can stay loyal to you, respect your views on intimacy, and of course, love you unconditionally — even if at times, you have to admit that we act a little borderline crazy (hormones pa more!!!).

And yes, true love is when a man shows you he’s really committed to you and ONLY YOU by buying a ring, asking you to marry him, exchanging legit “I do’s” with you wherever, and signing that marriage contract to seal the deal. A boy can stay loyal to you, respect your views on intimacy, and love you — but that could still be conditional. And when the “conditions” start coming in, you’ll realize that all that was “fake love.” So to me, a man’s ability to propose and marry a woman (and stay married and loyal until death!) are sure signs of true love.

Kaya nga after all that hard work and money spent, ewan ko nalang ba’t may mga nagloloko parin!

Here’s what I think: they’re still “boys,” and not real men.

Notice that I used the term “boy” differently from the term “man” in the entire post? Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my experience and other people’s experience, only boys — as in people from the male species who are emotionally immature regardless of their age/background/credentials — are weak. I know of a grandfather who still cheats in his 70s (my gosh! tama na ang pananakit ng iba, ‘lo!), and all I see is still a weak boy trapped in an old man’s body. It’s really sad, and I can only pray for him — and pray that there will be fewer “boys” like him (if not none at all!).

A real man is strong — not just strong physically, but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually — and yes, regardless of his religion. A real man won’t give in to temptation no matter how hard. In fact, a real man will already find a way to avoid temptation and will not make up excuses! A real man will own up to his own mistakes and will not blame you and not make up stories to make you the villain and him the victim. A real man will know your true worth and will try to upgrade himself (not degrade you or him to level down with another girl) when he feels like he needs some catching up to do worth-wise.

There are many good — even great — things about a real man, but again, some of those are definitely being loyal, not objectifying ladies as sex objects, and loving his woman (crazy emotions, PMS, and all) no. matter. what!

Most importantly, ladies, a real man who’s worthy to be your husband is someone you can see yourself submitting to willingly and not forcibly. A real man is strong yet gentle. A real man loves your flaws and yet sometimes hates your bad attitudes (still, he separates the attitudes from the person and knows those don’t define you). A real man is someone who can lead you and not boss you around (there’s a difference). A real man is a willing provider — not just in providing money, but also in providing time, security, love, commitment. A real man is someone who can be a good father and an even better example to his (future or current) children.

And yes, a real man is what you deserve, lady! That’s what YOU AND I deserve!

So if your “boy” still hasn’t graduated to being a man, then I guess it’s really best to leave them to the “girls” — see my earlier definition of “boys,” only from the female species.

But then again, maybe we gotta give it to ’em “boys” as well. Because sometimes, they’re also the reason why we, “girls,” graduate to being full-fledged ladies! And because of them, you’ll already know better to really never settle with just another “boy” ever again. Why? Because you already know your worth better (you always have), and you know that your worth has a place only for a REAL MAN who can show you TRUE LOVE! #LevelUp #NoBoysAllowed

P.S. to all the boys out there: Please strive to be real men! Don’t worry, us, ladies, know that we also have areas for improvement.

P.P.S. to ALL: But just imagine that if we all became our “ideal” man/lady, if we all started with ourselves first, I bet there would be fewer broken relationships in this world! As one speaker put it, “Happy singles = happy couples = happy families = happy societies = happy world.” Something like that. You get the idea! 😛

And to end this post, I’ll leave you with this quote from William Golding:

Disclaimer: I do not own this photo.

“I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men. They are far superior and always have been. Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby. If you give her a house, she will give you a home. If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit!”

THE END
(of rambling. lol!)
😀