Category Archives: *MOTHERHOOD

*FAITH, *MOTHERHOOD, Beauty and Wellness

Keeping It Real: Let’s Talk about Mental Health

How are you?

Me, so-so to be honest. And no, it’s not just about the elections. Since last year, I’ve already been feeling something different and it was only this year that I had the courage to finally face it and start my way to recovery. After all, acknowledgment is the first step to healing. So here I am, sharing my story.

I’ve been experiencing occasional panic attacks and recently diagnosed with a panic disorder. It was almost a year ago when I first experienced symptoms: hyperventilation, lightheadedness, feeling panicked and unsafe — the trigger? Mostly when I’m alone and away from my comfort zone (home, familiar faces, daily routine, etc.). Like when I’m trying to have “me time” at the mall, driving by myself, doing errands, etc. At first, I wasn’t aware that I was having panic attacks, I just thought that maybe it was all part of my postpartum phase in life, hormones doing their usual thing, and kind of shrugged it off.

Pre-pandemic, I was the kind of person very happy and content with myself. Like I considered my “me time” sacred — spending hours doing my own thing, even watching movies in theaters all by myself! That’s why when I felt the first symptoms of a panic attack last year (which at that time, I didn’t have a name for it ’cause I wasn’t aware), I knew that something was up. And then it happened again the following month, and again, and again, you know the drill. Which led me to Dr. Google (lol), and that’s when I did the one thing most medical experts wouldn’t recommend: self diagnose! Haha! But maybe I really know myself well because when I finally consulted a clinical psychologist, turns out, I was right. Hence the panic disorder diagnosis. Once that was finally determined, the only thing left to do is manage it, not be in denial, and hopefully, go back to my usual “independent” self one day at a time.

I wanted to have the best of both worlds so I consulted both a clinical psychologist (for the psychological and scientific explanation) AND a Catholic healing minister friend (for the spiritual side). As of this writing, I’m in on-going consultations with my psych, learning coping mechanisms and whatnot (which I may or may not write in another blog post); my friend also prayed over me (and continues to pray for me). I was told that one of the root causes of my panic attacks was having trauma when I gave birth alone (due to the pandemic protocols). Add to that the overall pandemic effect, postpartum hormones, major life changes (hello motherhood!), and my lingering abandonment issues which can be traced back to childhood (you’ll be surprised to know that most of our “issues” as adults can be traced back to that) — listing all that does make sense why I am where I am now in terms of my mental health.

I know I still have a long way to go. WE all have a long way to go to achieve “normalcy” again in our day-to-day life. My only point in sharing this is to let others who are also experiencing the same know that they’re not alone. And that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Heck, acknowledging that you’re not okay is actually a way for you to eventually be okay. Mental health matters now more than ever! So if you’re still shy about it, I hope you’ll eventually find the courage not to be. I know that each person processes things differently and at their own pace (that’s why it’s really NOT helpful to tell someone to “just get over it”), but I believe that we can overcome every challenge life throws at us and come out stronger each and every single time. At the end of the day, believe that the good always outweighs the bad.

Most importantly, God always has a plan for everything. And that’s what faith is all about, walking alongside God despite experiencing the things we don’t like and we don’t have control of. After all, He didn’t promise a pain-free life. Even Jesus experienced His own sorrowful moments, but it was in those moments that He gave birth to new life and saved us all from eternal darkness.

So yes, my current mental health is probably a cross I’m tasked to carry on my shoulders for now. I can only pray that it’ll be a cross that can help shed light not just to myself, but to others as well. If that’s really the case, then so be it. 🙂

TO GOD BE THE GLORY ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

❤

“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the Lord—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.”
-Jeremiah 29:11

Standard
*MOTHERHOOD, Gathered Thoughts

My Breastfeeding Journey (and Essentials!)

This month, I achieved my goal of exclusively breastfeeding my baby for AT LEAST six months as he also celebrated his half birthday (and will soon start solids/complementary feeding). So now, the goal is to continue breastfeeding him until he turns one year old and even beyond! To God be the glory!

I’m celebrating this because I remember how my breastfeeding journey started… I honestly thought I couldn’t do it! From the moment I gave birth, the doctors immediately put Rafa (my baby’s nickname) on my left breast to latch. As a first-time mother, I was so clueless at the start on how serious breastfeeding is! I mean, at first, I thought it was just bringing the baby to the breast and everything would just magically fall into place. But no! Breastfeeding is something to be learned (and if you’re a new momma, maternal instincts will kick in so you’ll eventually know what you’re doing — so don’t worry!). There are even different breastfeeding positions… and yes, I tried ’em all (my favorites are the cross-cradle hold and side-lying). With learning, though, comes pain, tears, sweat, and yes, occasional blood! 😛

I remember on Rafa‘s fourth day, two days after we came home from the hospital, he suddenly couldn’t latch properly after latching well for the past four days. I was sooo sleep deprived, I was crying due to postpartum blues and my painful breasts/nipples. Eventually, I contacted one of my sisters who’s a pediatrician. After examining Rafa, it was decided that he had poor activity so he had to be re-admitted to the hospital at five days old. We found out that he had to be treated for sepsis, so we spent another week, including his first Christmas, at the place where I gave birth to him (thank God he recovered; more details on my previous blog entry here). That was also the reason why at five days postpartum, I started my pumping journey. I don’t really religiously pump because Rafa still latches directly to me whenever I’m at home; I just pump when there’s a need like maybe once a day or twice when I’m at work.

Normally, new mothers are advised to pump after six weeks postpartum. But then again, it’s always a case-to-case basis so always consult your doctor. Since I developed gestational hypertension that continued to my fourth trimester, I was advised to express my breast milk so I could catch up on sleep. Sure, I could hand express but it was just too time consuming; using an electric breast pump and a manual silicone pump/milk catcher was a personal decision (with doctor’s advice, of course). Add to that what happened to Rafa when he was just five days old… I wouldn’t be able to recover properly if it weren’t for my early pumping. You see, I’m blessed to have a husband who was willing to sacrifice some shut-eye during the early days of Rafa. Whenever Rafa would cry in the wee hours of the morning, my husband would be the one to feed him from a bottle with my expressed breast milk, which in return helped me recover from my postpartum hypertension and other complications. (So thank you, Ish! Rafa and I love you!)

Anyway, I know that each mother has a unique breastfeeding (or non-breastfeeding) journey. I’m just sharing my own story, and I’ll be glad if you get a thing or two out of it. 🙂

To be honest, my major concern back then was how to give Rafa my breast milk when I return to work. I wanted to build a freezer stash but didn’t know how to start. Eventually, I was able to build enough supply (mostly with the help of a manual milk catcher!), and Rafa was able to drink purely my breast milk during his first six months. I was even able to donate some! So I’m really grateful to God for everything.

❤ ❤ ❤

To pay it forward, I’d like to share the things (my so-called essentials) in alphabetical order that helped me successfully breastfeed Rafa, especially during the fourth trimester when I was still establishing my milk supply:

Baby feeding bottles – In order for my husband to feed Rafa so I could rest, we needed baby feeding bottles. We took the risk of introducing the bottle to Rafa at a very early stage (again, at five days old — always consult your doctor!), and I’m just glad he didn’t really struggle with nipple confusion. Sure, he became “picky” at around four months, but he still takes the bottle from time to time especially when I have to go to work. For me, it was a trial and error process in finding the brand that Rafa liked best — FYI, it’s Hegen. When we observed him, Hegen was the bottle with the best “slow flow” teat that’s compatible with Rafa‘s “feeding pace” so we never looked back since. The other brands I tried at the beginning were Comotomo, Medela, Philips Avent, and Tommee Tippee.

Breast milk storage bags – Obviously, I used this to store my expressed breast milk in the freezer. The brands I tried are Dr. Dudu, Orange & Peach, UK Baby (the most affordable!), and Uni-Love.

Breast pumps (electric and manual)

Electric pump – My sisters gifted me Medela‘s Swing Maxi Flex, and I use it as my main breast pump. Hands down, I love it! It really empties my breasts — which is actually the number one key in establishing breast milk supply. The breasts need to be emptied, so the brain will get the signal that the body still needs to produce more breast milk. 😉

Anyway, the only other electric breast pump I tried was an unbranded and China-made handsfree pump. It was okay for “relieving” but not really for “emptying” so I don’t really recommend it for establishing milk supply. I’m actually willing to give it away if any momma out there needs it, so just let me know! Haha!

Manual silicone pump / milk catchers and savers – Ahhh! The key to my freezer stash! Mommas know this, but during the fourth trimester when breast milk supply is at its peak, let-downs happen ALL THE TIME on the other breast when the baby is feeding on the other. It would be such a waste if we just let our “liquid gold” go to our clothes, hence the need for silicone milk catchers! Most people call this a “Haakaa” because it’s the brand that invented it, but of course, other brands are available in the market. The brands I tried are Dula, Haakaa, Orange & Peach, Naturebond (the best for me ’cause the suction is not as painful as the Haakaa!), etc. I own six milk catchers, so I already have one available at each feeding session when the others are still at the cleaning/sterilizing queue! 😀 Seriously, I love it! I even love gifting it to my new momma friends. Although after the first three months, when I already have a steady freezer stash and got comfortable with the side-lying breastfeeding position, I got tired of using it. LOL! No worries, though, because silicone pumps and parts usually have a lifespan of only three months; they eventually need to be replaced especially if used often (which I did, literally every day for the first three months postpartum!).

Breast shells – These saved me from leaks and sore nipples when I returned to work! Instead of breast pads, I put these in my bra, so that my leaking breast milk would be caught. It also helps my nipples not touch my bra or clothes, so it lessens the sting (breastfeeding mommas know this feeling!). The brands I tried are Dula, Orange & Peach, Philips Avent, etc.

Breastfeeding/nursing pillow – I actually have two, both were given to me as gifts. The first one is shaped like a small rectangle wherein I can slip my arm and Rafa can rest his head on the pillow while on a cradle hold position. The other one was included in my hospital package when I gave birth, and it’s the more common U-shaped one. I like the latter because it’s so versatile, Rafa‘s also able to use it during tummy time and as a seat support.

Galactagogues – This might sound foreign to some, but that’s what nursing mommas call foods that help increase our milk supply (provided that we continue “emptying” our breasts). The ones I tried and tested are:

Almonds – From whole almonds as snacks to almond butter to almond milk, I instantly became a fan! (Because honestly, pre-pregnancy, I wasn’t really into almonds! Haha!)

Lactation drinks – I usually have one every breakfast (or every after meal depending on my mood). The brands I tried are Nestle’s Milo (oh yes!), Daily Herbs’ malunggay choco and coffee, Mother Nurture’s malunggay choco and coffee (my faves!), and Naturearth’s M2 malunggay tea drink.

Lactation treats – The fun part about breastfeeding! Enjoying sweet treats without the guilt (just continue to do it in moderation and always check your sugar!). The brands I tried are Ava’s Kitchen (I prefer their savory and cream cheese-based lactation spreads), Galacto Bombs, Hustina Bakes, Milking Bombs by ABC (hands down, the best and my favorite!), and Mommy Treats.

Oatmeal – Apart from the ingredients used for the lactation treats I consume and my occasional oatmeal milk drink, the only brand I tried is good ‘ol Quaker Oats. I usually have it plain (no sugar or milk) with chia seeds for breakfast, paired with a lactation drink. Yum!

Lactation massager – I was skeptical at first but when I tried it, it really worked wonders! My milk output was better during pumping sessions when I used a lactation massager. It also helps unclog milk ducts. 🙂 The only brand I tried is Lavie.

Lactation supplements – a.k.a. malunggay capsules! I started taking ’em during my third trimester of pregnancy. The brands I tried are Buds & Blooms, Eu Natural, Life Oil (the best for me, although a bit pricey — also the one recommended by my OB-GYN), and Mega Malunggay.

Nipple balm – During the first few weeks of breastfeeding, the breasts and nipples of new mommas need some time to “adjust” to the painful different sensation of a baby’s latch. I actually started using one when I was still pregnant to somehow “prep” my breasts, but no amount of “prepping” would be enough to the actual experience! Haha! But yes, nipple balms help soothe and moisturize — just make sure you use one that’s baby safe and made of food-grade/natural ingredients. The brands I tried are Mustela and Orange & Peach.

Nipple wash – Bath time for me is never complete without this! The only one I tried is Cradle‘s Cradle Mama Natural Breast and Nipple Wash.

Nursing/pumping bras and clothes – There’s a difference between a nursing bra and a pumping bra! Haha! The former has easy access for baby to latch, and the latter has holes wherein you put a breast pump’s flange so you can pump handsfree. I have Medela‘s Easy Expression Bustier but since it’s pricey, the rest of my “nursing/pumping” apparel consists of China-made and local finds from Shopee! If you need recos, let me know! Wahahahaha!

Steam sterilizer – From baby feeding bottles to breast pump parts, we sterilize everything at least once a day. The only one I’m using now is Philips Avent’s 3-in-1 electric steam sterilizer. It’s so convenient when the “queue” is piling up! 😀

Support group – Ah yes, mommas need to help fellow mommas! Aside from my sisters, husband, and household help, I’m blessed to have mommy friends from all walks of life who are in the same season as I am! I even found a light group (LG) from The Feast exclusive for young mothers like me, and we meet online once a month (and talk via our group chat any day)! So shout-out to all of you, fellow mommas! Thanks for being with me in this journey. ❤

Water – Breast milk is composed of around 80% water. Since I started breastfeeding, I’ve been drinking AT LEAST two liters of water per day. During the fourth trimester, I always have a tumbler beside me because I’d drink water before and after each feeding session, even if that’s in the wee hours of the morning. I seldom use a water glass anymore because I drink straight from one-liter tumblers — it’s just easier to track my water intake that way. On a good day, I get to drink four liters of water. To be honest, I’ll continue this habit even if I’m not breastfeeding in the future because it’s just really good for my health overall.

—

Whew! Looks a lot, no? Sure, some may perceive these as “extras” but like I said, I’m speaking from my own experience. The aforementioned “essentials” allowed me to exclusively breastfeed Rafa without the need to resign from my work, get my much needed “me time” from time to time, and stay sane (trust me, new mommas can relate), so I don’t regret investing in these!

Obviously, my breastfeeding journey is mostly trial and error (as is motherhood in general) and I know I still have a long way to go. And whether or not you breastfeed, I salute you fellow momma! We all have the same goal of giving the best to our babies, and no one can do a better job at being our babies’ mothers than us!!! 🙂

TO GOD BE THE GLORY ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

❤

“While he was speaking, a woman from the crowd called out and said to him, ‘Blessed is the womb that carried you and the breasts at which you nursed.'”
-Luke 11:27

Standard
*FAITH, *MOTHERHOOD, Down Memory Lane, Marked on the Calendar, Mi Familia y Mi Amigos

My Birth Story, etc.

December 14, 2020. It was supposed to be just another ordinary “check-up” day. I was expected to give birth any day that month but based on my previous check-ups, my cervix wasn’t cooperating. I was stuck at 1cm for the past two weeks.

When my OB-GYN (shout-out to Dra. Ceres Nazareno of Manila Doctors Hospital — if you’re pregnant or in need of an OB-GYN, I highly recommend her!!!) told me to have two tests on that day (biophysical profile score and non-stress test), it turned out that my amniotic fluid was leaking. My entire pregnancy was healthy and smooth-sailing (except maybe for the first trimester nausea and vomiting! LOL!), so learning that my amniotic fluid wasn’t enough anymore at 39 weeks was a surprise. Since I’m already at full term, my OB-GYN decided to induce my labor. At 39 weeks, there’s no point for my baby boy (we found out at 35 weeks that he’s actually a BOY!!!) to further his stay at hotel utero when it wasn’t safe anymore. I was immediately admitted, and my plans on having brunch at a coffee shop after my supposed check-up was replaced by hospital food.

My Firstborn’s Birthday: December 15, 2020

I was admitted at Monday morning and gave birth at Tuesday evening. My husband wasn’t allowed inside the labor and delivery rooms (it’s the protocol of my hospital even before the pandemic), so I stayed in the labor room all by myself for almost 31 hours surrounded by unfamiliar faces of OB-GYN residents and nurses manning their shifts. In between those hours, I experienced the most painful physical pain in my life so far — from the contractions to the repetitive internal exams (IE) of my cervix. But no tears came from my eyes; just constant begging from the residents to stop what they’re doing to me (haha). To which they replied that I needed “pain” to deliver my baby. True enough, as my cervix dilated one centimeter at a time, the pain just got more intense. I think at 5cm, I was sedated and already given an epidural —- but I couldn’t really remember the exact details because I was already groggy from all the meds being given to me.

I’m thankful that my prayers were answered, though. Not exactly the way I imagined them to be, but as always, God’s plans are better. For the past nine months, my constant prayer (with constant intercession by Mama Mary) was to have a healthy and safe pregnancy and baby, and a pain-free/painless delivery as much as possible. I had more specific prayers in between those and in fairness, most of them were answered — including having some familiar faces when I give birth (three of the pediatricians who were allowed to be with me in the delivery room were friends: two are of my sister’s [shout-out to Doc Maan – also my baby’s pedia!; and Doc Faye – a neonatologist who “caught” my baby boy right after I delivered him and helped me with my breastfeeding journey]; the other is a friend from my Catholic prayer meeting, The Feast [shout-out to Doc David!]). Add to that the fact that in both the labor and delivery rooms, a crucifix was consistently in my line of sight (when I was still in pain due to the contractions, all I did was stare at the crucifix and be reminded of Jesus’ suffering, too). After the epidural, my prayer of an almost pain-free/painless delivery was granted, and it was like I was in a trance and every thing happened in a blur. While 10cm dilated and on the way to the delivery room, my OB-GYN even commented that I’m such a calm patient because I wasn’t complaining, and it looked like I didn’t feel any pain and was at peace. Upon arriving at the delivery room, it took me around five pushes before my baby finally came out. One of the OB-GYN residents said that I had a “good push” so thanks to all the squats and deadlifts I did prior to getting pregnant because pushing involved A LOT of strong leg muscles! So yeah, when I find myself in the gym *SOON*, those are the two non-negotiable exercises I’ll do again — plus planks! 😉

Anyway, I still didn’t cry when my baby was handed to me in the delivery room. Like I said, I was so groggy I was just going with the flow of events. We did have immediate skin-to-skin contact and he was able to breastfeed already (colostrum was already present in my breasts a few weeks even before I gave birth, thank God!). It was only in the regular room, though, when tears of joy started to flow from my eyes — the moment when I held my baby boy in my arms and it finally sunk in that I’m already a mother.

You know those stories you hear about love at first sight? I always wondered what that feels like. And on that day, I finally felt it. ❤

But wait, there’s more…

Postpartum: #TeamNoSleep, Breastfeeding,
and My Baby’s First Christmas… in the Hospital

Since I delivered via normal spontaneous delivery (NSD), I was able to go home with my baby two days after giving birth. To be honest, now that I’m in the fourth trimester (postpartum stage), I can say that giving birth is the easiest in this whole parenting thing! Wahahahaha!

First, I had postpartum complications such as gestational hypertension (first time in my life to have high blood pressure (BP)! I even had to be under the care of a cardiologist), anemia (I almost had blood transfusion), and bipedal edema (my legs and feet looked like they were about to pop!!!). My OB-GYN reassured me that I was still in the so-called “puerperium” — the first six weeks after delivery — so I shouldn’t worry much. Now that I’m past that, I’m happy to say that I finally recovered from those (although my cardiologist advised me to continue monitoring my BP at least once a week).

Next, I often heard that once the baby arrives, I have to bid goodbye to my sweet dreams and at least eight hours of sleep… well, I’m telling you that that’s an understatement. Haha! From the time I was in the labor room until I got home, I literally got about only three hours of shut-eye (not counting the hours when I was sedated). Add to that my breastfeeding struggles during the first few weeks as a first-time mom…

Three days after we were discharged, we went back to the hospital because my baby suddenly had poor activity and suddenly couldn’t latch properly, which made him dehydrated. We had to go to the pediatric emergency room and I felt like Mama Mary witnessing the Sorrowful Mysteries as I watched my little baby boy being poked and pricked with needles on both his tiny hands and feet (the doctors had a hard time inserting an I.V. because of his delicate veins) and as it’s hospital protocol, have a swab test — yes, a SWAB TEST on a newborn! Ouch!!! I kept crying the whole time those things were being done to him, though I’m proud to say that my brave and strong baby boy was able to recover quickly from his cries.

Since my husband and I didn’t have valid negative swab tests at that time, we had to leave our baby in the hospital for two days. He stayed at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or NICU while we waited for our negative swab test results (dang this pandemic, really!). Once we had the negative results, we were allowed to be with him and transferred to a regular room. As it turned out, our baby was diagnosed with sepsis and he had to undergo antibiotics — which meant staying for a whole week in the hospital.

To make the long story short, the doctors traced the time my water bag ruptured before I gave birth. It happened 12 hours before, making my baby susceptible to infection and no one’s to blame; it just really happens sometimes. We spent our baby’s first Christmas in the hospital, and the few people who knew about this were our families and selected close friends (thank you for your prayers!). 🙂

Having shared that, I can attest how brave and strong our baby boy is. So whenever he cries during vaccinations or whatnot, I always remind him that he’s been through worse (even a swab test at a very tender age!), so that somehow also made our little family of three stronger and tougher too.

Anyway, my takeaway from this is it’s really hard to be a parent especially during these trying times. It takes a village to raise a child, so I’m grateful for all the help and support me and my husband are receiving from our loved ones. Also, I’m praying for all the pregnant women and women like me in the postpartum stage during this pandemic — our children are “batch mates” and always believe that we. can. do. this!!! 😀

—

TO GOD BE THE GLORY ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

❤

“When a woman is in labor, she is in anguish because her hour has arrived; but when she has given birth to a child, she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy that a child has been born into the world.”
-John 16:21

Standard