“Babalik Ka Rin!”

Ang pag-ibig, yung tunay na pag-ibig, sa totoo lang, ay hindi talaga madali. Habang mas lumalalim, ito’y mas susubukin.

Noong una ko Siyang makilala, wala akong reaksyon. Malamang hindi ko pa kasi lubusang maintindihan kung ano ba talaga ang pag-ibig.

Tumagal ng ilang taon ang aming ligawan. May panahong malamig ako sa Kanya, mayroon din namang nagliliyab ang nararamdaman ko sa aming relasyon.

Pero sa tuwing ako’y nanlalamig, lagi kong pinangungunahan ang sa palagay kong Kanyang iniisip: “babalik ka rin!”

Pero kahit sa mga panahong iyon, ni minsan, hindi Niya ako pinilit. Ako’y hinayaan Niyang mamili ng klase ng pag-ibig na sa palagay kong nararapat para sa’kin.

At sa tuwing ako’y mabibigo, ako’y magbabalik. Pero aalis muli.

Ganu’n pa man, hindi Niya ako iniwan. Alam kong masakit sa Kanya na parang binalewala ko Siya, pero nagpapasalamat ako na ganu’n Niya ako kamahal at kahit kailan, hindi Siya bumitaw.

Bago pa man tumuloy ang kwento ng huling pagkabigo ko, narinig ko na ang Kanyang bulong,

“Babalik ka rin!”

Naisip ko, bakit ba Niya lagi sinasabi yun?

Hanggang sa isang araw, nauntog ako at tuluyan kong natuklasan kung bakit.

Totoo ngang ang unang pag-ibig ay hindi namamatay. Bagkus, ito’y mas nagbibigay buhay!

Kaya kahit ilang beses akong umalis, ako’y patuloy na bumalik, bumabalik, at babalik.

“Babalik ka rin!”

‘Yan ang sinabi Niya nung una palang.

At oo nga, bumalik ako sa Kanya — sa una kong Pag-ibig; sa unang Nagmahal sa’kin.

Palagay ko ikaw rin.

“Babalik ka rin!”

“Tayo’y nagsisiibig, sapagka’t Siya’y unang umibig sa atin.”
-1 Juan 4:19

A Letter from God

Dear Mika,

I know you have a lot of questions why the breakup happened. I know that you’re even asking why did I even give him to you and you to him for four years, only to say that it’s time to let go and move on. I know that you also can’t seem to remove in your mind how he’s able to “move on” that easily, and yet you, you’re taking longer than what others expect. And that’s what I want you to know. You don’t need to think or even care about what others are thinking of you, especially him. You are unique, and I’ve created you differently. I’m telling you that you can take all the time you need, heal at your own pace and don’t compare, and trust that I’ll be with you every step of the way. You can do it! You already are doing it! And if there are days that there are still unanswered questions in your mind and you suddenly don’t feel okay again, know that that’s okay, too. True healing is gradual, not overnight. Just continue to look at Me, I’m all you need. So hold on, you’re almost there. We’re almost there. I can’t wait for you to know and see what I have in store for you! I promise that all those tears you cried will be replaced with genuine laughter and smiles! I love you! And I will never leave you. But you already know that. Smile, Mika! πŸ™‚

God

❀

Last weekend, I attended another retreat, and this letter was one of the “fruits” of that. After writing and sharing this, I felt a whole lot better. I decided to share this here, too, in order for others who are going through the same thing to somehow know that they’re not alone. That they, too, can do it! If it takes a letter and more to somehow ease that pain you’re feeling, go. Do it! They say, all’s fair in love and war. I say, walang pakialamanan sa sakit na nararamdaman! Haha! But yeah, feel the pain. Acknowledge it and what have you. Just know that you’re not alone — not just because others are experiencing it, too, but because God is always with you. And then slowly, one piece at a time, you’ll feel that your broken heart is starting to be whole again… just like mine. So yes, SMILE, BELOVED! πŸ˜€

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
-Psalm 147:3

Happy on Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2017

February 14, 2017

What Popoy Didn’t Tell You
By the time you read this, I’m probably in a yoga studio somewhere calming my mind, body, and soul (yes, this is a scheduled post! haha!) which has been what I’ve been doing after work on Tuesdays (because I’m still a beginner, and the beginners’ class always falls on this day!). Coincidentally, hearts’ day this year also falls on a Tuesday — TODAY. So why am I in a yoga studio instead of a date?

Well, simply because after four years, it’s my first time to be single again on Valentine’s Day!

And I can spend it the way I want to — with myself, stress-free! πŸ˜‰

February’s actually the third month since me and my ex called it quits, but NO, contrary to what Popoy of One More Chance fame believed about the three-month rule, I’m NOT ready to date again as of this writing — unless it’s a date with myself, sisters/nieces, trusted friends, and yes, God! πŸ™‚ But in fairness to Popoy‘s “rule,” though, what I got from it is that everything suddenly feels and gets better once I hit the third month! The first two were so hard and hurtful (but that’s for another post! haha), and I just want to give a shout-out to my amazing and trusted support system — you all know who you are!!! So to all my fellow brokenhearted ladies and gents (oh, you’d be surprised how the latter part of 2016 became a “breakup season” in my circle), kapit lang! Lilipas din ‘yan, mga besh!!!

Because You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have
This 2017, I’m so determined to focus on my complete healing and improving myself and the other relationships in my life that I’ve “taken for granted” while I was still in a relationship, that even if I’m single again, as early as now, I already find my planner fully booked (especially the weekends) until the third quarter of this year! Let’s just say that one of the things I’m looking forward to is my return to my “favorite continent” in the next half of this year. πŸ˜€ That’s why I really can’t be feeling S.A.D. anymore and just be excited about everything in store for me this 2017! Why? Because despite the heartbreak, God has been continuously faithful with all His plans and promises to me. I can now even attest that the breakup was just one tiny little part in His grand plan for me (and my ex)! In fact, wherever my ex is now, I wish him well. I hope he’s also truly happy and working on his own healing. But more than that, I hope he can finally and really accept God and His love for him, too. It’s really amazing what a few months can make the brokenhearted realize. πŸ˜›

The fact that I’m brave enough to embrace my singleness again on this overrated day (haha!) proves how far I’ve come and how much unexplainable strength has been given to me by the One up above. And because of this, I deserve a pat on the back — which I’ll give myself after yoga class! Wahahahaha!

His Perfect Love
Seriously though, with all the blessings and lessons I continuously get from God, I’d be the one breaking His heart if I didn’t celebrate this day with LOVE. Besides, who said that love can be only expressed romantically? Quality love is everywhere, and this includes self-love. But perfect love? Even couples and families in healthy relationships can’t give that to each other. That’s why we can’t “look” for perfect love in others lest we’ll end up frustrated. Perfect love has only one source — the One and Only: God.

God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. God does not dishonor others, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres… Familiar? Yes, that’s from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (the verse read by Mandy Moore‘s character in A Walk to Remember), and I just replaced the word “love” with “God.” Haven’t you ever wondered why we say “God is love”? Well, there’s your answer. This verse describes what perfect love is — God’s love. And though no human is perfect and we can’t give the kind of perfect love God can, we can always use this “love definition” as a guide in loving others. I wish I digested and executed this sooner! But like I said, it’s a lesson learned. And what better day to exercise this than on this day of hearts?! Try it. Change “love” to your name (e.g., Mika is patient, Mika is kind…), and see it change Β your perspective. But make sure you practice it not just today, but every. single. day! Heehee.

#MayForever
Which brings us to the never-ending debate comparable to the chicken vs. the egg. Despite my heartbreak, I still believe that “there’s a forever” (#MayForever). I believe that even the people who “insist” that they don’t believe in forever still wish deep in their hearts to find their own version of “forever.” But in order to do that, they have to change their mindsets first because the mind is powerful — what you think eventually manifests in your “real life.” So if you keep thinking that there’s no forever (#WalangForever), eh malamang sa malamang, ganun nga ang mangyayari sa’yo. Your choice. That’s your own life and love story, anyway. Basta ako, naniniwala parin ako na #MayForever, and no human can make me believe otherwise! ❀ #JustSaying

But you know what’s more powerful than the mind? In fact, the most powerful of all — of course, God and His love. If you just truly, madly, and deeply got to know Him, you wouldn’t even dare to say #WalangForever. All your fears, especially about love, will be cast aside. Anyway, if that fact alone can’t give you happiness — the fact that we’re given by God with the capacity to love in all forms — then I pray that you receive His love first. Trust me, I don’t just believe, I also know (thanks to my experience!).

And that’s why I can proudly say that today, on Valentine’s Day, even if I’m single, I’m happy. In fact, I’m also peaceful — not just because of yoga, but more because of His love. I pray that you also accept and feel the love He gives, single or not.

Happy Valentine’s, y’all!
Celebrate all the love around you!!!
❀ ❀ ❀

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
-1 Corinthians 13:13