That Kind of Love

Signs that Mika Chiong is in love: she keeps staring at that person’s name and number on her cell phone; she then starts writing a novella based on her current situation; she doesn’t mind whether or not he’s British (haha!), all that matters is he is who he is!  And worst, she starts rhyming.

“Not Necessarily Love”
by Mika Chiong

I never thought I’d meet a guy like you,
Someone so friendly and hated by few.
In fact, rephrase that;
You’re not hated ’cause you’re nearly perfect,
And your presence makes other people elated!

I’ve always liked you, like most girls do;
But it’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever be your boo.
Oh yes, we’re friends, if you can even consider that;
Things just get complicated when I start to get sad.

Sad in the sense that here I go again;
I don’t think I can survive another case of unrequited love.
I once fell in love, and all I felt was pain;
This has to stop for it’s starting to make me laugh!

My thoughts are kind of hazy but
When I think of the words “I love you,”
I start to act like crazy!
How can I be sure that I already “love” you,
When I haven’t even heard you say that “four-letter” word
Even to a few?

On the other hand, this ain’t just a crush;
And before I fall hard and feel like
Some sort of trash,
I want to say thanks for making me feel
This kind of “love” rush.

All this time I just
Needed a little inspiration;
Not necessarily love, but enough to
Make me write this whole presentation!

This is bad.  Really, really bad.  Not to mention, downright PATHETIC.  Yes, I’m calling myself pathetic.  Just this once.  But I’m pathetic, nonetheless.

Now you know I really got it bad!  Hahaha!

So when exactly did I realize that my “love” for him was finally being preceded by the preposition “in”?  That moment I saw THAT picture.

More importantly, to whom am I “in love” with?  Asa kayo!  Syempre hindi ko sasabihin noh!  FOR NOW. 😛

And last question, why am I blogging about it?  Well, it’s like what I said before.  Sometimes, I just can’t keep my thoughts to myself.  And blogging serves as my outlet when that happens.  It makes me more connected to and reflect more on my feelings, you know?  So here I am.

Here I am attempting to feel more connected to and reflect more on “the love” I’m feeling right now.  And there’s no better way to do that than talk about it.

But you know, I once talked about love.  Not that I’m an expert on it, but I did talk about it.  Once.

Just saying.

So what exactly did I say?  Well, I said that love indeed comes from all sorts of things and from different people from all walks of life.  It may be love in the form of friendship which is a feeling that puts me on high, and it can also be love for family which in my opinion, is one of the greatest gifts God ever trusted upon me.  Speaking of God, there’s also a form of love which I dedicate solely to Him.  If you love Him, then there’s no need to further explain.  You should already know how it feels because I know I DO.  And last, but definitely not the least, is love in the form of a relationship with the opposite sex (or the same sex for others).  For me, this is the most complicated form of L-O-V-E.

Don’t get me wrong, that’s just my opinion.  Why complicated?  Because if it’s love NOT returned, it’s like a venom ready to kill you slowly.  You may not feel the hurt from time to time but when it reaches your heart at some point, you’ll be dead right then and there!  There was a time when I felt like giving up already.  “Was” being the operative word.  What I did was to just try to look on the bright side.  If I fight the venom, then I’ll still be able to live my life and start a new one.  That’s when the other forms of love enter.  They’re like the anti-venom for all of my miseries.  If one didn’t work out the way I hoped it would, all I have to do is tilt my head back on the other side.

It’s also like playing tennis.  It’s either you hit the ball with a forehand or a backhand, either way, if your ball’s OUT, at least you know you have both of your hands to do it all over again and score a point.  But then again, for tennis players, LOVE MEANS NOTHING (at least during a rally).  I researched the term and I found out that it was derived from the French word l’oeuf, the egg, symbolizing nothing.

Then it made me wonder…  is love really nothing if it goes only one-way?  I once said it’s not.  It’s not nothing!  As Andy Roddick put it after losing a match to Roger Federer, “It was frustrating, it was miserable, it sucked.  But besides that, it was fine.”  And just like how my previous unrequited love felt, yeah it sucked, but in the end, it was all worth the pain!

Now, the question is: is the current one still worth the pain?  I’d like to think so.  Besides, aren’t there sayings that say (how redundant) “no pain, no gain” and “all’s fair in love and war”?  Ha!  Now it’s really confirmed that I got it “worse” since I’m already quoting random shizz.  Wahahahaha!

Oh well papel.  If all else fails, this experience can always make me “stronger.”  Why not?

And I’ll always have Snape to take inspiration from!  (If you didn’t get what I just said, you obviously didn’t read or watch the last installment of Harry Potter!  So READ and WATCH IT!!!)

The “saint” of all unrequited love-rs! =))

Ay nako, tama na nga ang rambling.

Sa totoo lang, ito lang naman yun eh.  Or in English, it all comes down to this:

“Without the fear of how it might end…  I guess I’m ready to love again.”

Tamaaa!  Unrequited or not, choosy or easy, I’m ready to love again.  So universe, bring it on!  Let the love begiiin.  Paaak!

With love, love, luuurve,
Mika 😛

The Lost (Graduate) Student

Today, I just claimed my same old brand new school I.D. from the university registrar:

About two weeks ago while I was in Hong Kong, I accidentally dropped my bag with its zipper open.  So go figure.  Apparently, I missed picking up one of its contents — my old (graduate) school I.D. — which I only found out after two days when I was in Manila already!  Kaya lost I.D. kung lost I.D. talaga! x_x

Of course I had to request for a new one (with my old picture and signature), which cost me almost Php700!  I know, I know.  I could’ve avoided spending Php595 for my I.D. and another Php100 for an affidavit of loss if I hadn’t dropped my bag just like that!  Tsk.  That’s why it took me a lot of convincing if it was still worth it to get a new school I.D…

…which brings me back to GRADUATE SCHOOL itself!

For yearssss (and I’m not exaggerating the “s”), I’ve been trying to finish my Master’s Degree.  No, I’m NOT failing.  In fact, if there’s one thing I’m proud of, it’s that I’m already done with my coursework — and I’m happy to say that I passed all my subjects!  Yay!!!

The reason why I’ve been delayed is because of TIME.  Aside from the fact that I never had a “full load” academic term, my laziness gets in the way of it all!  Hahaha!  But seriously, when I had my first full-time job, I just suddenly found myself enrolling in ONE ACADEMIC TERM per year.  Hence the delay.  And hey, it wasn’t easy to juggle work and (graduate) school!  Period.

Still, I was able to take (and pass!) all my subjects.  So now, I’m left with only two things: COMPREHENSIVE EXAM + THESIS!  Not so easy to be a “master” now, eh? @_@

And since I’m also unemployed as of press time (haha!), I’ve no choice but push through with my comprehensive exam.  I still have to pass certain documents to be permitted to take the exam NEXT WEEK (!), but yeah…

some of the (essential) documents in graduate school! harharhar.

As for my thesis, I’ve always thought of it as “a bridge I’ll cross when I get there.” The problem is, I’m already thisclose to THAT bridge and I still don’t have any idea what to do with it!!! 😦

Okay, one of my professors suggested that I do something about diplomatic history…  which I readily obliged last year (my “ONE ACADEMIC TERM per year” in 2011:

THESIS it? I’m not bloody sure!!!

That was the paper I did in one of my subjects — Historical Methodologies — which was supposed to “prepare” me for thesis writing.  Unfortunately, my fickleness is kicking in again and now I’m not sure if I still want to go with South Korea…  Waaahh!

But like I said, I’m currently unemployed.  And that really doesn’t give me any choice…  So my battle plan is to use TIME itself again.  If “time” is what delayed me, I think that it’ll also be the one to help me.  How?  By doing it ONE STEP AT A TIME.  So this term, I have to deal with my comprehensive exam first! 🙂

Having said that, maybe I’m not a lost student after all…

Maybe I’m more like a wonder wander student!  Wahahahaha! And as J.R.R. Tolkien put it,

“Not all those who wander are lost.”

And right now, holding on to those words is good enough for me.  So help me God! 😉